Falling To Pieces Over You
by NearlyMellow
Summary: (ByakuyaxRenji fluff One Shot) Renji is having a hard time dealing with the complex feelings he is having towards his Captain, when all seems completely hopeless things begin to take a different turn and Renji soon discovers that perhaps there is a beating in Byakuya's seemingly cold heart after all


_To love someone and not knowing if they love you in return isn't that the hardest thing to deal with? The pain of holding someone so close to your heart and even allowing them to see past your walls and yet each day that passes by, you'll never know if they even care, that is the ultimate heart ache_

That was the thoughts that ran through the sixths division's lieutenant Renji Arbarai's mind as he looked out from the deck outside his quarters. Even though it was indomitably raining he knew that under the burnish of the full silvery moon that glowed with a pure and unattainable aura his Captain and heir to the Kuchiki family, Byakuya Kuchiki would be taking his evening stroll. Renji's gaze looked out over the garden and the lake, the stunning and amorous moon reflected on the translucent and hushed water that every so often swelled gently when one of the Koi fish swam close to the surface.

He exhaled loudly as his liquid mercury colored irises skimmed over the exquisitely kept garden. He could see a darkened figure holding an umbrella ambling leisurely and in such a composed and serene manner as the midnight rain poured down heavily around him.

He didn't need the abrupt perfume of cherry blossom that was carried into his room by the light and placid chilled breeze to know it was Byakuya.

Renji smiled as the thought of his piceous haired Captain and those long deep steel grey eyes that seemed to always remain expressionless entered his mind. It was killing him just to be deliberating about the man he served. His heart yearned with an unrelenting suffering; he couldn't comprehend why he could feel something like love towards someone so cold and evidently callous.

Renji should have just cut his losses and taken Hisagi Shuhei up on his proposition, at least he knew that he wouldn't be left unappreciated or abandoned with the stinging feeling of never being treasured. The elder Shinigami did respect Renji and the crimson haired tattooed man would undoubtedly have a lot more to talk about with the ninth's divisions Lieutenant and it wasn't like Renji detested him, in fact he quite liked Hisagi. He was settled and unruffled and would prefer not to have physical clashes, he was also a pretty decent cook and Renji knew that the ninths Lieutenant would take care of him, emotionally. Shuhei had already told Renji he would take care of him and he would constantly make sure he never felt unappreciated or alone.

But Renji couldn't do that to his friend, he couldn't be with someone while he was still frantically in love with an untouchable man.

Renji continued to watch Byakuya from afar. The obsidian haired man paused and began to reach out for the bush adjacent to him; it seemed Byakuya had snagged himself. Renji rose and made his way out of the room and to the sixths squad headquarters. Whenever it was torrential with rain Byakuya would always return to the office with some wound or another and as he had always done Renji would be there to see to the abrasion.

He didn't have long to wait for Byakuya to return, he wasn't in the slightest bit astonished to see his crimson haired fukutaichou there waiting with the first aid kit he was nevertheless stunned to see that Renji had his long vermillion locks out of the typical hair band and left it cascading like a silken red waterfall down his back and dressed in his white kimono with pink flowers embroided into the silk and adorned with a grey sash.

Byakuya acquired a seat at his desk and observed the red head opening the kit.

"You do not have to do this for me Renji, I am quite capable of taking care of myself" Byakuya said in his usual deep melodic voice

Renji wanted to snort, Byakuya may have been quite capable of taking care of himself but if he been a bit more vigilant he would not have wounded himself to begin with. Renji abstained from making any sound that might affront his Captain.

"I feel it's my duty to aid you wherever I can Taichou" Renji replied

Even he could make out in his tone of voice how dejected he sounded and if he didn't want his Captain to ask questions he knew he would have to change his attitude. Without further argument Byakuya elevated his arm to show Renji the extensive reedy wound on his upper wrist, just past the fingerless snow white tekkou.

Renji looked at the injury which was abnormally swollen and as vibrant red as his hair. Unfortunately the fukutaichou knew all too well what Byakuya had somehow grazed himself on

"You've caught yourself on Poison Ivy; I'll wash your arm with soap and water then dress it for you and contact Hanataro in the morning so he can heal it. You don't want to keep that for any longer then you have to it can get incredibly itchy" Renji said

Byakuya stood and Renji followed him to the washroom. He didn't know why he felt he had to baby the Kuchiki noble. It was almost as if he was incapable to stop himself from fretting over him like he was the most precious and valuable gem.

Renji turned on the cold tap and squeezed some soap onto the injury and placed Byakuya's hand under the water and as judiciously as possible he washed the wound. What surprised him utmost was that his Captain was not complaining or even trying to pull his hand away from Renji. Everyone knew that the cold Taichou of the sixth division loathed it when people fussed over him and he detested it when people treated him like a juvenile and yet he didn't even scowl at Renji for doing this for him.

Once Renji cleaned the wound he softly dried it with a hand towel and they walked back into the office. Byakuya sat down and kept his arm elevated. Renji opened a bottle of antibacterial liquid and squeezed some into the wound before beginning to wrap it with a bandage.

"I'm sorry Captain but we have run out of band aids, but I will send someone out in the morning to get some more. You should be more watchful next time" Renji said

He fastened the bandage and closed the kit back up, he picked it up and held it off his fingers

"Goodnight Captain"

Renji continued to make his way to the door

"Renji" Byakuya called out to his Lieutenant before he could leave

Renji hesitated, sighed inaudibly to himself and he twisted around to face his Captain once again

"Yes Taichou?" the crimson haired man asked

Byakuya gesticulated for Renji to take a seat on the other side of table. As always he obeyed his Captain's invitation.

He placed the kit on the table and sat down. Byakuya removed his white Captain's Haori and pushed it off his shoulders and let it rest on the back of the chair he was sitting on. He was now officially off duty. He turned his attention back to the red head. Renji was dissimilar than the other lieutenant's in the Gotei 13. Comparable the others he was willing to risk himself for his Captain but unlike anyone else, even with something humble like dressing a wound, Renji would always be there for the minutest thing.

Byakuya could detect that the younger Shinigami was in contention with himself, his Reiatsu exuded melancholy and the last thing Byakuya needed was his fukutaichou to be feeling like he was and even though discussing personal matters was not his strong point he wanted Renji to feel contented enough so he could try and resolve his burden

"Is there something troubling you Renji?" Byakuya inquired

Renji remained silent for a moment, if he said no the Kuchiki noble would identify he was insincere and if he said yes he would have to make up some lie.

"Yes Captain" Renji finally elected to say

"Renji, I am off duty, it's Byakuya"

"Yes, Byakuya" Renji corrected himself

Renji was unquestionably not himself, he was typically self-assured and loud and radiated confidence but in the state he was in he had the persona of a disheartened man with the weight of the world on his shoulders and that was neither acceptable nor helpful to Byakuya he required Renji to be functioning at his full capacity both for the squads sake and his own

"Would you like to discuss it, perhaps it might relieve some of the burden" Byakuya questioned

Renji was going to have to go about his heart ache in an unobtrusive method. Renji elevated his head and looked at the man before him

"It's concerning problems of the heart" Renji replied

Byakuya sustained to retain the red head's regard

"Go on"

"Why does the heart feel like its breaking when you feel emotional pain? And how do you stop it from hurting?" Renji asked rhetorically

He could feel his mind becoming frail and that durable wall he kept up so moments like these wouldn't get to him was disintegrating. He really couldn't cope anymore, decades upon decades of feeling the same disappointment and same torture had made him a weak man emotionally.

"The toughest thing about heart ache is you can never sojourn it until your mind is at peace with the issue that's causing the pain. You can try to distract your thoughts but the distress is still going to be present. Until you have a clear mind you cannot have a clear heart. The truth is that you could live a thousand more years and still feel the anguish, the only true way to relieve the pain is if you confront the issue head on" Byakuya replied

Renji wasn't really sure he needed to hear that. It meant he would end up dying with an agony that would forever plague him. He couldn't tell Byakuya how he felt it would only cause an awkward tension between the two of them

"And what if there is no plausible way to rid the mind of hurt?" Renji asked

"Then desolately you die with a heavy heart" Byakuya replied

Almost instantaneously Renji dropped his gaze again and looked to the floor. Byakuya rose from his chair and sauntered over to his subordinate. He placed his bandaged hand under Renji's chin and lifted the red heads face so he was looking at his Captain again.

Renji would have never sobbed in front of his Captain but as those walls crumbled down around him his eyes surged with tears and the rare clear droplets began to trickle down his cheeks. He could feel his face blush in response to Byakuya's placid touch but also because of the discomfiture of the tears that unhurriedly ran from his scarlet eyes

"Never be afraid of what you feel you have to say, and never assume the worse. You will only cause yourself more harm" Byakuya said softly

Renji kept his eyes on his Captain's. He didn't know if Byakuya knew how he felt about him but his words were starting to give him courage.

"Come with me, I want to show you something" Byakuya continued and removed his hand from Renji's face.

Renji stood up and started to shadow his captain out of the headquarters. They remained silent as they walked.

Byakuya led Renji outside, the rain had stopped and they continued to walk until they came to the Kuchiki mansion. Byakuya directed Renji inside and they entered the Captain's lodging.

"Sit down"

The raven haired man instructed, indicating to the cushion on the floor next to a truncated wooden table. Renji did as he was asked and watched Byakuya leave the room and enter a short time later with a black photo frame, he placed it in front of Renji and took a seat on the other cushion.

The red head looked down and noticed the photograph was of himself and Rukia, his dearest friend and also his Captain's younger sister

"People assume I have no heart and in a lot of respects that is something I understand, however because people assume I am something I am not they miss out on the person I am. I keep that because it is a reminder to me that even though I do not show it I hold two people in my heart. Those young people in that photograph are the two that remind me I am not alone and that for two very different reasons those people both have love for me no matter how I am or the choices I make" Byakuya said

Renji was in astonishment he couldn't believe that not only did he mean something to his Captain but in quintessentially he also desired the red head to keep him sturdy. It also meant that Byakuya was well aware that Renji loved him

"If you need to say something to lift the heartache, because like that man in that photograph does for me, you can be sure that I will still care for you, no matter what you say"

Renji felt his heart flutter and his stomach churn. This was like someone had finally answered his cry for help.

"Come to me Renji"

Byakuya ordered and Renji stood up off the cushion and walked over to his Taichou who straightened out his legs, resting them under the table. He clutched Renji's hand and guided him to straddle his lap. Renji's cheeks were flushed a bright scarlet red. Byakuya raised his bandaged hand; he frivolously traced the profuse tribal tattoos on Renji's forehead and then pushed some of the lengthy glossy strands back behind his ears

"My beautiful Renji, don't be troubled of the pain you feel in here" Byakuya pointed at Renji's chest, in line with his heart

"You'll never dishearten me so don't ever think that because of what you feel will cause me any ill feelings towards you"

Renji smiled delicately he felt as if he had to be envisaging, he had been so desperately in love with the man he was straddling the same man who had kept a photo of him and the same man who told him he was beautiful and now after many decades he was finally going to be able to say what he needed to say without anxiety

"I love you Byakuya I always have, I didn't want to tell you because I thought…"

Renji paused not wanting to say the words.

"You believed I would reject you" Byakuya said continuing to finish Renji's sentence. The red head nodded shamefully

"To reject you and your love would be the greatest mistake I could make. Even if I do not show it, you are always in here"

Byakuya lifted the red heads hand and placed it over his heart, his palm resting against the clothed chest of his Captain. Renji could feel the heat emanating from Byakuya it tangled in with the sweet flowery scent of cherry blossom, making the red head melt.

"I will be your courage and you will be my strength" Byakuya near on whispered

Renji leaned into Byakuya and with the heat of a thousand fires captured his lips with his own and kissed him until the passion and desire that emanated from both bodies tangled collectively. For the first time in what seemed like forever Renji finally felt his heart stitch itself back together.


End file.
